The Miseducation: Hard To Say I'm Sorry

Why is it so damn hard to say “I’m sorry.” And I’m not talking about no fake I’m sorry just to shut the person up but a true to life, I’m actually really sorry. While Nay was eating breakfast this morning she was watching Hannah Montana (she’s in throwback mode) and Jackson was talking to his dad and he told him “I already said I’m sorry, you want me to really mean it?” And how many of us think that way? One Valentine’s Day, me and Tee got into this HUGE argument at The Cheesecake Factory about my spending habits and I KNEW without a shadow of a doubt I was right…that is til I got home and checked the checkbook and I was completely wrong. I sat on the couch for a good 2 hours before I could muster enough energy to get up and go to apologize…even though I knew I was dead wrong. So what was the problem? Pride was the problem.

The definition of pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.

Wow…the sin from which ALL others arise. I’m here to tell cats that there’s NO WAY on earth that you can have a successful marriage if you’re full of pride cause that's gonna stunt you marriage’s growth quick fast and a hurry. And to be honest pride is the reason why a lot of our relationships (family and friends included) are screwed up right now. The funniest thing to me about saying I’m sorry is I’ve seen folk do literally EVERYTHING to try to say I’m sorry…without saying I’m sorry! You know how many times me and Tee were beefing and after hours of not speaking , I walk in the room like “you want something from the store?” What I’m really saying is “I’m sorry” but since folk absolutely refuse to muster those words, me offering to get her something from the store is a peace offering that I (the key word in this sentence is “I” ) want her to take as an apology. But at the end of the day, it’s not an apology.

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." - Proverbs 11:2

There have also been a RACK of times me and Tee have been beefin' and I'll feel like God is telling me to go upstairs to squash it but 9 times outta 10 I've told God, no thanks. (I always think me telling God “no thanks” is better then me just saying “no”) Then hours later when I’m (there’s that word again) finally ready to apologize or squash the beef, now she’s looking straight, which in turns pisses me off even more that I (there’s that news van again…my Philly folk will get that joke) swallowed my pride (but I swallowed my pride when I wanted to, not when God told me to) and now she’s pissed?!?!?! Which just makes the anger and the argument last even longer then what it should have lasted. What I’ve learned after 13 years of marriage, is that when God tells you to do something, you should do it. Don’t be like me and say “no thanks” because maybe when God is telling me to move, He may also be opening up Tee’s heart to forgive me and to accept my apology but if I wait two hours til I feel like doing it, now Tee’s heart is closed. Everything in this game of life is about timing. When a quarterback is throwing a pass to his receiver, that receiver is only open for a split second, throw it too late or too early it’s an incomplete pass or an interception and you don’t move anywhere down the field, you just stay in the same place. In fact, if the ball's intercepted you actually lose ground.

"Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice." - Proverbs 13:10

And to be honest, that’s what a lot of us are doing, staying in the same place, moving backwards or not moving anywhere in our marriages because a.) there’s too much pride involved and b.) we’re not moving when God tells us to. So about 5 years ago I made a New Year’s Resolution (I only make ONE every year and I’m proud to say I've kept ‘em all) that I would start admitting when I was wrong. And I took that resolution on full force. I was calling cats saying things like “yo, you were right and I was wrong…Miami should've have taken Dwayne Wade over T.J. Ford” (what can I say? I was a HUGE Texas fan at the time) to actually going to family members (who I felt hurt me) asking for forgiveness based on if I did anything to offend them. I can now say 13 years later that I’m a MUCH better apologizer (is that a word?) then I was when I first got married. First, I had to first understand AND grasp God’s placement for me as the head of the household of my marriage and family and two, I had to come to realize that I couldn’t be a great leader if I was SO prideful that I couldn’t admit when I’m wrong. So, ya’ll already know what this week’ challenge is. If you’re beefing with someone, reach out just to say “I’m sorry.” (not “do you want anything from the store”) Even if you feel like you did nothing wrong, say “I’m sorry if I offended you” or “I’m sorry for whatever part I played in our friendship not being what it was.” I’m telling you, once you learn to keep your pride at bay, you’ll have SO much more peace in your life…trust me on that.

BTW, this one of my favorite songs EVER! I literally sat here with this song on repeat for over a hour while I wrote this. What can I say? My moms raised me on Chicago’s music!